If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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