Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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