I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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