your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
