She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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