cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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