Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
