youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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