The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
