"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
