he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
