Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
