# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
