My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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