Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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