I hate all girls vehemently.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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