you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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