You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
