she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
