So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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