Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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