We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
