So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My life is pants optional.
Shame - the story of my life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
