She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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