It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
