fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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