I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
