I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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