Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
