My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
