Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I looked at my own cervix.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
