Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
