I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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