I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
