True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
