No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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