i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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