this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
