Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
