i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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