So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
