I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
