i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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