made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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