Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
