Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
