I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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