i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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