Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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