He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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