the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
