3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
