A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
