You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
