Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Of course I have a pirate flag
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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