Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
