I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
