Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
