I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
