Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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