Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
