Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
