Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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