woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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