I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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