Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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