He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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