when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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