she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize