My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
