Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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