Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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