Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
