Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
