I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
