We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
