I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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