i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
