My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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