Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
